Christmas roleplay
Christmas looms and I hope all of you are feeling well and prepared for the festivities.
Maybe you will be seeing family this year, it is after all the traditional thing to do. And perhaps you are really looking forward to it, and maybe you are dreading it? Or something in between?! So I thought I would share some fascinating group dynamics information that I learnt over the summer that may help you or interest you.
Have you ever been in a group or a team where you felt as if you weren't your normal self? Maybe you were more withdrawn than normal, or more aggressive? Perhaps you felt as if you were amazingly productive, or couldn't seem to do anything at all? When you see your family do you find you revert to a behaviour you wouldn't normally dream of? This is actually the power of the group dynamic.
During the summer I went to a mindfulness day on group dynamics. What I found really fascinating was the idea that the individuals in a group form the group consciousness, and then after that, the group forms the individuals. Individuals are pulled into roles required by the group based on the tendencies in the individuals. It's almost like you've entered a theatre production and someone has landed you with the "bad guy" role and you don't want it, but you can't seem to stop acting it out anyway. What role do you get landed with in the family? The persecutor, the victim, the peacekeeper, the complainer, the clown, the martyr, the scapegoat... And what roles are the others given?
Perhaps when you look at it like this, maybe you can take it a bit less personally? Can you see the funny side of it? Or perhaps the bittersweet sad side of it that fills the heart with compassion?
However and whoever you are spending Christmas with, if you would like things to go differently this Christmas I recommend three things...
Firstly set an intention for the day, for how you want it to go, for how you want to be, for what role you would like to play. And be very light with it, it's an intention, not a goal.
Secondly practice wishing yourself well, happy and peaceful, whoever you are on the day, and wishing others well, happy and peaceful whoever they are. After all, if they were well, happy and peaceful they probably wouldn't be acting like such an a******. And wish yourself well, happy and peaceful even if you can't wish it for another, because that's included too.
And finally, I recommend some mindful gratitude. Whether it's just noticing feeling warm in the body and being grateful for central heating or a real fire. Or whether it's mindful eating of chocolate or turkey or even for you brussel sprouts, really giving yourself the experience of eating them. Or for the smile or laughs that you have with your family and how they feel in the body — perhaps tingling and a sense of lightness or expansion in the chest that may fill the whole body. Or going for a walk and feeling the ground under the feet and the coldness of the air against your skin and seeing the trees and the sky, or maybe you can be grateful for feeling the breath that gets you through it and it's just a day or two, and it means everything else is much better by comparison. 😀
And remember if it isn't pleasant, it's just a rather strange theatre production that you can't remember why you agreed to it, but something in there must be useful. I have noticed for myself that for there to be a good guy you need a bad guy — haha! I bet you can't imagine me as a bad guy, but honestly I have in the past (rarely of course!) played it excellently, I do prefer the good guy role though or the clown! And if it is pleasant — enjoy it!! Families are precious and you never know when will be the last moment you get to be with them. So when you hug them, feel it and mean it and see what happens.
“Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we’re related for better or for worse... and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum.”
Wishing you a wonderful, peaceful and mindful Christmas!!
Love, Amrit Jiwan x