Of Life and Death

Yesterday I went to the funeral of a wonderful friend. It was a sad and happy occasion. How funny that it can be both. I see his smile, I hear his voice and his laugh and in my mind, it is like he is still here. I will remember.

I sometimes notice that death is seen as wrong. And yet as soon as we are born, death becomes the only certain thing that will happen, the only uncertainty how and when. Like two sides of a coin - no death, no life. Life becomes precious because there is death.

"For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one."

—  Khalil Gibran

When we are aware that everything is impermanent, that there is nothing that we can hold onto forever it can wake us up to fully living our life and treasuring the people in our life. To being fully present with them so that we have more of those beautiful moments of memories to share when they are gone. When you become aware that this may be the last time you are with this person it makes it easier to hug them and really feel it, really mean it. It makes it easier to let go of irritations (well sometimes!).  It makes it easier to say the things that are in our hearts. It pushes us to question our lives and how we are living them.

Are you alive and awake? Are you seeing the sky and the trees? Feeling the sun and the rain?

Are you listening to yourself? Are you listening to your loved ones? Do you really see them?

What is it like to really see the strangers on the train? The checkout assistant in the supermarket? The receptionist at your work? To look at them as you speak to them?

Are you here or are you living on autopilot?

Are you living what is most deeply important to you?

“How many on their deathbeds wished they’d spent more time at the office – or watching TV?”

—  Stephen Covey

If something here has really resonated with you and if you don't want it to disappear, you can turn it into a practise for a little while. Perhaps start with committing to a week? For one week choose a question or a line that particularly resonates with you. First thing in the morning remind yourself of your intention, your phrase or question. Have it written on your bedside table so you see it straight away. Set a reminder on your phone for two or three times a day (or how often feels right for you). And when the reminder goes off come back to your breath, see how your experience feels. Allow yourself to be wherever you are, whether it is good or bad. Then soften the face and the shoulders, relax the body, breathe consciously down into the belly and drop in the question or the phrase. And feel what happens. Observe any thoughts and feel the sensations in the body.  This will help you keep focused on the practice and remember at other times of the day.  Perhaps write a few lines at the end of the day about what you noticed. How does it change your day? And if you like the change, try committing to it for just another 5 weeks and see what happens. 😊

How precious and beautiful the breath becomes when you know it might be your last.

In loving memory of David Haskoll and Gary Hird.